How Far
by forgotten-serenity
Summary: Alex comes to a drastic decision. Angst. AO.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own any characters affiliated with the Law & Order franchise.

This is kinda dark for me. Every time I listen to this song I think about this story, so I thought I'd get it out there.

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Alex sat on the couch, unshed tears in her eyes. She put her head in her hands and sighed. She couldn't go on like this. Alex lifted her head and looked at the empty bottles laying around. There were piece of a broken bottle by the wall with rank brown liquid spilling out.

Alex got up and started throwing the bottles away, pouring out all the liquid left in them. Then she cleaned up the mess of broken glass and bourbon on the floor. As she cleaned she remembered the fight she and Olivia had when Olivia stumbled in a few hours ago.

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Olivia dropped her keys on the end table and took off her coat. Alex walked in, saw the state Olivia was in and shook her head, "Not again. Liv, this is becoming a problem."

Olivia looked confused, "What?" Olivia was having a hard time keeping her eyes focused on Alex and an even harder time trying to concentrate on the conversation at hand.

"You going out and getting hammered every night," Alex snapped, "You have a problem."

"No I don't," Olivia stated, putting her hand on the wall to stabilize herself.

"You can barely even stand up!" Alex grew angry.

Olivia shook her head, "You're overreacting. I've just had a hard few days."

"Olivia," Alex lowered her voice, "You're hard few days has been two weeks. You need help."

Now Olivia got angry. She stormed off into their bedroom and slammed the door.

Alex picked up the nearest bottle of liquor and threw it at the wall. It shattered and spilled onto the floor.

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There was only one way Alex could think of to get Olivia sobered up. Telling Olivia she was going to end up like her mother certainly didn't help. Begging and pleading didn't work either. She was going to have to leave.

Alex walked to the bedroom and opened the door. Olivia was outside sitting on the balcony, watching the cars on the street below.

Tears leapt to Alex's eyes. As hard as it was going to be on her, she had to do it. For Olivia.

Alex crossed the room and stood in the open doorway of the balcony. "I'm leaving. Come find me when you're ready to fix this."

She saw Olivia tense up, but she didn't make a move or a sound.

Alex sighed heavily and walked back into their bedroom to pack some of her things.

_There's a boat, I could sail away  
There's the sky, I could catch a plane  
There's a train, there's the tracks  
I could leave and I could choose to not come back  
Oh never come back _

_There you are, giving up the fight  
Here I am begging you to try  
Talk to me, let me in  
But you just put your wall back up again  
Oh when's it gonna end_

Alex grabbed her coat and her bag. She opened the front door, but paused. She looked down the hallway hoping Olivia would run out and beg her not to leave. When nothing happened, Alex stepped out the door and closed it behind her.

_Out of this chair, or just across the room  
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon  
How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

_

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_

So, how far did Alex end up going? Did Olivia even come after her?

Suggestions for the next chapter are very welcome...


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia looked at the street below, tears welling up in her eyes. _How did it get this far?_

The first time she remembered drinking herself to sleep was when she shot Eric Plummer. It all went down hill from there. She's run by the liquor store on the way home from work or go out for drink with the guys and Elliot would have to carry her home of call Alex to come get her.

And she kept telling herself that she wasn't turning into her mother, while Alex was telling her that that was exactly what was happening.

And now _Alex was gone_.

Olivia reached for the beer bottle next to her. It was empty. Olivia completely broke down. _Alex was really gone._

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Serena Southerlyn was just slipping on her dress when there was a knock on the door. Serena smiled when she looked at the clock, "She's early."

Serena opened the door, shoes in hand and instead of her date, a distraught Alex Cabot stood at the door.

"I-um…" Alex wrapped her arms around herself. She bit her lip as tears filled her eyes.

Serena took Alex's hand and pulled her inside. Alex walked to the couch and sat down, "I don't want to interrupt…"

Serena shook her head and picked up her cell phone. She pressed a series of buttons before closing her phone and tossing it onto the chair next to her. "I don't have a date anymore."

"You broke a date by text message?" Alex asked, sniffling.

Serena smirked, "Welcome to the twenty-first century." Serena walked over to the couch and sat next to Alex. "What's wrong, Lex?"

"I left Liv," Alex could barely answer. Tears started streaming down her face. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

Serena pulled Alex into her arms, "I'm so sorry."

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Cragen was sitting at his desk, late that night, when his phone rang. He took a deep breath and picked it up, "Cragen."

"Captain," Olivia's weak voice came over the line, "I…I need help."

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A week went by and Alex stayed with Serena. She also took a few days off before going back to work. While she was working she avoided going to the 1-6 like the plague.

At the precinct, when someone would ask why Alex wasn't around, Cragen would bark out orders or tell them to get back to work.

Olivia stayed at work later than usual and only went back to her apartment to sleep a few hours, shower, and change.

One day at about three, Cragen walked out of his office, jacket in hand. He looked at Olivia, "You ready?"

Olivia nodded and stood.

They'd been doing that for a few days now and the guys had learned not to ask where they were going since they never got a straight answer.

They walked out together as the three other guys sat around doing their work.

Half an hour later, the clicking of heals on the floor, broke the silence. Alex walked down the hall, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She paused before the doorway and set her jaw. She took the step and pushed through the doors.

"Hey Cabot," Elliot smiled, "Long time no see."

Alex quickly scanned the room, "I've been busy. Cragen around?"

Fin looked at his watch, "He should be back in ten."

"How'd the Tanner case go?" Munch asked.

"Convicted of aggravated manslaughter," Alex sighed and took her usual perch on Olivia's vacant desk, "He should have been sent away for life."

"You can't win them all," Elliot put his hands behind his head.

"Well, since I'm here," Alex set her briefcase down, "Do you have anything new for me?"

They explained their current cases to Alex who made notes and promised a warrant by the next morning.

Alex looked at her watch, "Well I think I'll go home and see if I can catch Cragen in the morning."

"I'm here," Cragen said from the open doorway with Olivia by his side.

Alex turned around and froze, her eyes locked with Olivia's. Alex studied Olivia, noticing that her eyes were clear and alert. _Well she is at work…_

Alex shook out of her thoughts and Olivia's eyes to look in her briefcase. She pulled out a folder. "My boss wants to see if you could take a look at this and give us your professional opinion."

Cragen walked over and took the folder.

Olivia walked past Alex to her and opened the top drawer of her desk. She dropped something in and it made the sound of poker chips hitting each other.

Alex looked at Olivia and caught her eyes. She asked the silent question by raising an eyebrow.

Olivia shrugged and gestured to the drawer.

Alex leaned over and peered inside. There were six blue chips in the drawer that all said _One day at a time_.

Alex's eyes widened and she looked at Olivia, who was smiling. Alex's mouth went dry. She opened it to speak, but couldn't form a coherent thought.

"Alex?" Cragen asked, taking Alex's attention off of Olivia.

"Yeah?" Alex asked looking at him.

"Tell Jack that I'll get back to him on this tomorrow," Cragen replied.

Alex nodded.

Cragen looked at his watch, "Why don't all of you get out of here?"

None of them wanted to look a gift horse in the mouth so the men got up and left as Cragen went into his office.

Alex looked back at Olivia, "Did you really…?"

Olivia nodded and put her hands in her pockets, "I didn't want to lose the most important thing in my life."

Once again, tears welled up in Alex's eyes. She bit her lip to keep from crying.

Olivia took Alex's hand, trying to comfort her.

Alex pulled Olivia to her and held her body close, "Let's go home."

Olivia gently squeezed Alex before pulling away. "Home?"

Alex nodded, "Home."

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I really don't know how AA works. Only what I've seen on TV. So if what I wrote is not how it works, I'm sorry.


End file.
